An Open Letter to Jelly Beans

Dear Jelly Beans,

I wanted to start this letter by blasting you for being evil, but somehow I could not bring myself to do that.

Every year about this time, Easter comes rolling along and you appear on the shelves at my local stores. It used to be you came in two kinds, sweet and spicy. And well I could live with that (mostly cause I think the spicy ones are gross). But now you come in so many wonderful flavors. Fruity, sour, sweet. Starburst Jelly Beans, Jolly Rancher Jelly Beans, Sweet Tart Jelly Beans. You are in deed soft squishy little treats. You are the essence of high fructose corn syrup! It’s so easy to grab one or two of you to give that little burst of flavor, to give a little blast of sugary goodness.

Then one or two more. I mean you are just little guys right? Just grab a few when you pass by the Easter basket in the kitchen. You are small right?  There you sit on the counter when I go into my bedroom to grab my phone. Really a small bunch is pretty much the same thing as a few. Low and behold, you are sitting there when I get back from the bedroom too. So small you don’t really count that much right? A handful is OK. You are not empty calories because you are so small you don’t really have calories. Right? RIGHT?????

How can I blast you for just being you?

I appreciate your always being there for me. You sit and wait patiently, just being you.

One thing. Please go away! Please don’t be there when I get home. It’s OK. I won’t feel betrayed.

Thanks

Doug

 

PS. When you go please leave the Sport Beans behind. I know they are your little brother. But I only eat them when I am riding long races. They are the total magic cure for cramping.

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3 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Jelly Beans

  1. We have all the Easter candy in a bowl on the kitchen counter including the jelly beans. I feel your pain pure torture to pass by and not partake. I have recently been counting the jelly beans I do eat and only eat one bean for every mile I ride that day. Kind of seems to be working.

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